Being sick is the worst thing ever.

Sometimes I really am an idiot. I came home tonight, set the house alarm, took the dogs out to pee and set off the alarm. The worst part? My parents didn’t even wake up. And I scared the crap out of myself. Woohoo go me.

I hate that sometimes I’m able to ignore my very persistant dysphoria and sometimes I just can’t. Today seems to be one of those days where I just can’t.

my experiences in a nutshell right here

(Source: youknowyouretrans)

I know I’ve said this before but I will say it again and again; I love how a haircut can change everything.

Well I think it’s time for another life update. It’s been a long time since I’ve posted for a few reasons. I’ve been struggling with a lot of different things; mainly my sexuality and gender. For a while I gave up on the idea of transitioning. It seemed too far fetched a thing for me to ever fully grasp. That coupled with my concerns about transitioning being possibly the wrong choice has made it harder. Along with that I’ve been struggling with faith and where my faith in God leaves me and my sexuality.

Whether I want to face it or not I know what the bible says about gay people and that’s made it very hard. My family’s questioning of my sexuality and my gender struggles has been hard. I’ve ignored my feelings of inadequacy and my lack of comfortability in my skin for some time now. Despite being happy with where my life is at, I’m not so happy with where I am at. My job is good, money isn’t that tight anymore, I have great friends and my relationship with my family is awesome despite some bumps along the way. I just can’t help but feel I’m missing something. I can’t help but feel that I’m still not who I should be.

I think it’s time again for some deep down soul searching and some true honesty with myself. Hopefully things will be figured out this way.

My my my… How it’s been a long time tumblr. Please take me back? Lol

I now remember why I am no longer highly involved in the LGBT community, whether online or in my city. There is way too much drama and bull shit. I’m honestly glad that i’ve finally had the strength to walk away and say enough is enough. Now if only I could get the drama in the rest of my life to stop following me around.

Sometimes I feel like I’m the only one who fears that their past will affect their future.. Lately I’ve really been struggling with whether or not I can make it where I want to go with my life. I worry that my past and all the things that have happened to me/I’ve done are going to stop me from my goals.

Although money is good, I’m tired of working all the time… It would be nice to just have like one day off, or where I’m not on call, so I can try to have a social life..

unicornsareace:

I think it knows that I’m going to refresh whether it’s there or not.

 I agree completely. Tumblr is addictive, I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.

I hate the way you make me feel. How I miss you every day, how I can’t help thinking of you and who you used to be. Why did you have to change?